dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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