Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
