Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
