Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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