I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Someone came in the potted fern
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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