I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
