is your mom at the bar?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
