my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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