and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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