Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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