its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
