i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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