Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
they're like a gay fantastic four
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
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