dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
