She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
