im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You are the jesus of drinking
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize