I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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