Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish you could order shots online.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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