he shaved USA in his pubs
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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