____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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