i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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