My balls are so social today.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
