I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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