We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
