No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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