oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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