Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
