fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
