I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
