i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
