hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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