YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't deserve a penis
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
