seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
