I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
