After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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