Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
