Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize