Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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