I cockslap morals
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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