You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
