so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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