low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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