dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize