I think im going to throw up on grandma
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
