Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
