you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
