i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
birth control should be required to get into college
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
