Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
