Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No...this little piggys going to the bar
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
