but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
