then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
