If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
