I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
