We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
