She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's rum buckets o'clock
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
