like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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