dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We left the knife in your bed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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