so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My balls are so social today.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Found the puke drawer
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
