If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
