Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
