i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
