my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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