do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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