remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i think i just lost a toe
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
