I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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