how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
