I wanna bring you to show and tell
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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