ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
