you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
