Whod you bang
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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