My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want to make a zoo with you.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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