idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
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