I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
