i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
