So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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