The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
