You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
