Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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