he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm getting married
To pizza
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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