wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
