Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
