Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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