Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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