Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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