it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
