I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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