I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
