So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
