I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i came on her dog
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
