who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
