Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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