remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
