Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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