...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize