I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
